When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
