She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
