what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
