I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
