I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
