new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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