We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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