Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
