The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
