i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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