It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
