Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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