Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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