it's like her boobs came off with her bra
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
