A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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