I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
