I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I have fence marks all over my body
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
