So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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