weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
