Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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