I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
