Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
