she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You dont lie about slip and slides
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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