pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
