Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
