Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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