he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
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