Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
