I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
The ass gains better be worth it
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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