you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
