he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Randomize
