I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
