WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
