im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
