That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
