Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Bring me that man meat
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
