she woke up with a sticky ear
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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