When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
