and you said cock pushups were impossible
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
