I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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