she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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