Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
