Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
