I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
