i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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