you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
