I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
