dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
