It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
