I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
