I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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