i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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