Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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