Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
