hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
