Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
