I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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