I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Randomize
