I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
