Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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