dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
