Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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