This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
