you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
