Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
